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Monday, May 24, 2010

Disparate Impact

By 2014 it had become all too obvious that America's homicide laws were having a disparate impact on our African American minority. In response to that, the pre-Regulator Congress had established the reformed "point system," properly so-called, according to which AAs were given one demerit each for first- and second-degree murders performed under social stress. (For parallel crimes, white people, by contrast, were to be assigned 12-64 demerits on a scale in which nine such "points" qualified for the death penalty.) Applied with rigor, this system did finally succeed in equalizing punishments granted to those found culpable of capital crimes.
Also it was the first federal statute overturned by the Regulator, who ruled that the law was henceforth to be applied solely to the authors of the law.

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Saturday, May 22, 2010


You thought the Executor would set up a defense (attack) force comprised as usual of nineteen-year-olds with an expectable seventy years of additional life in the larder. I knew that's what you thought. WRONG. Instead he began at once to recruit heterosexual men who had successfully achieved the age of seventy or more, who had lost their wives, all of them, whose children had grown up and gone away, and who accordingly had little to lose and looked upon death as a sort of vacation during which they could sit around a table and reminisce about the brave days.
Amazing it was, when the recruits, some as ancient as ninety, began to flood into Richmond, scarred veterans of office work, public relations, consultancy and other parallel vocations. "Take me!" they recited. "No, take me! Me! Don't take that fellow behind the tree, take me!"
And so he did, welcoming them into the corps with open arms. With nineteen doctors standing by, they were initiated at once into officially-approved standards of rheumatism therapy, the proper usages of Bengay, Gator Aide, penile extenders, hip and brain replacement, and other kindred soldierly enhancements. He likewise accepted those clamoring for suicide missions, forming as they did an especially useful regiment in the forthcoming Canadian Campaign. Came next the need to select a commander of this fairly heterogeneous force, a post requiring a peculiar amalgam of talents and vices. Twas on a Saturday that the solution took place in his head, that soft spot just below the left brow - Stacy McCain! (http://theothermccain.com/) - a man who had risen from Private to Corporal in record time (nine year four months, a record) and could pass for ninety even if his authentic age remained forever undisclosed.

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Friday, May 21, 2010


But before getting down to the tedious business of governing, the Regulator wasted four full months - this explains our quondam silence - in a fruitless effort to negotiate with those liberal recidivists still in occupation of the northeastern fringe. All such efforts failed when those toads refused absolutely to reconsider their recently-passed bill prohibiting marriage between members of the same race. His determination reinvigorated, the Regulator, in disguise, made his way in safety back to Richmond where at once he enunciated a new policy granting illegal immigrants a two-week period in which to report back to the homelands they had so disloyally abandoned. He then withdrew all constitutional rights from those who had declined his offer, thus making it permissible to physically discontinue the above-mentioned squatters, a measure that added some seven million residences to the housing market and empowered the nation's schools to get into the education business.

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